Transcribed By: unknown
(The interior of MATTHIAS'S HOUSE. A cellar-like room with a very
conspiratorial atmosphere. REG and STAN are seated at a table at one end of
the room. FRANCIS, dressed in commando gear -- black robes and a red sash
around his head -- is standing by a plan on the wall. He is addressing an
audience of about ten.
We get in through the underground heating system here ... up through to
the main audience chamber here ... and Pilate's wife's bedroom is here.
Having grabbed his wife, we inform Pilate that she is in our custody and
forthwith issue our demands. Any questions?
What exactly are the demands?
We're giving Pilate two days to dismantle the entire apparatus of the
Roman Imperialist State and if he doesn't agree immediately we execute her.
Cut her head of?
Cut all her bits off, send 'em back every hour on the hour ... show him
we're not to be trifled with.
Also, we're demanding a ten foot mahogany statue of the Emperor Julius
Caesar with his cock hanging out.
What? They'll never agree to that, Reg.
That's just a bargaining counter. And of course, we point out that they
bear full responsibility when we chop her up, AND ... that we shall NOT
submit to blackmail.
(Applause) No blackmail!!!!
They've bled us white, the bastards. They've taken everything we had,
not just from us, from our fathers and from our fathers' fathers.
And from our fathers' fathers' fathers.
And from our fathers' fathers' fathers' fathers.
All right, Stan. Don't labour the point. And what have they ever given
us IN RETURN? (he pauses smugly)
Oh yeah, yeah they gave us that. Yeah. That's true.
And the sanitation!
Oh yes ... sanitation, Reg, you remember what the city used to be like.
All right, I'll grant you that the aqueduct and the sanitation are two
things that the Romans HAVE done ...
And the roads ...
(sharply) Well YES OBVIOUSLY the roads ... the roads go without saying.
But apart from the aqueduct, the sanitation and the roads ...
ANOTHER MASKED COMMANDO
OTHER MASKED VOICES
Medicine ... Education ... Health
Yes ... all right, fair enough ...
COMMANDO NEARER THE FRONT
And the wine ...
Oh yes! True!
Yeah. That's something we'd really miss if the Romans left, Reg.
MASKED COMMANDO AT BACK
AND it's safe to walk in the streets at night now.
Yes, they certainly know how to keep order ...
... let's face it, they're the only ones who could in a place like this.
(more general murmurs of agreement)
All right ... all right ... but apart from better sanitation and medicine
and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater
system and baths and public order ... what HAVE the Romans done for US?
(very angry, he's not having a good meeting at all)
What!? Oh ... (scornfully) Peace, yes ... shut up!
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